TELEPHONE LINE (10 November 2016)

Försvarsminister Peter Hultqvist säger att han ska ta kontakt med Donald Trump för att reda ut det nya säkerhetsläget för Sverige efter presidentvalet. Det kan bli ett intressant samtal…..

PETER HULTQVIST: Good Morning Mr Trump. This is Peter Hultqvist, Minister of Defence in Sweden calling.
DONALD TRUMP: Sorry, I didn’t catch it. Peter Who? Minister of Defence where?

PH: Peter Hultqvist – Minister of Defence in Sweden.

DT: Right! Great, I went skiing in St Moritz a few years ago. Great food and hotels you have there in the Alps. And beautiful women he-he….

PH: Öh….no, not Switzerland. Sweden. S-W-E-D-E-N.

DT: Sweden? You mean that left-wing, high-tax and feminist hell close to the North Pole?

PH: Well…öh….I guess you could say so….

DT. Right, I see (Pause)…..well what’s on your mind Pete? What can I do for you?

PH: Well I wonder if you will come to our rescue if we are attacked by Russia?

DT: That depends, buddy. Have you paid your membership fees to NATO punctually?

PH: Öh…no, we are not a member of NATO.

DT: You are not a member of Nato?!?!? Why the heck should I consider sacrificing the lives of young american soldiers to come to your goddamned rescue? By the way, didn’t you give that f****g Obama the Nobel peace price? Can you give me one as well if I help you out?

PH: No, that is handled by Norway.

DT: So, of what use are you to me then? Do you have any oil?

PH: No, that is also Norway.

DT: I see. Well, what have you done for the US in the past? What did you do during WW2?

PH: Well, we were……kind of neutral…..

DT: You were neutral while the Nazis butchered our boys?

PH: (Silence)

DT: All right, the cold war then?

PH: Neutral

DT: Hmmm……I’m googling a bit as we speak….your prime minister Loffen….Lofven seems to have said that my statement about muslims was ”utan rim och reson”….what does that mean….does he agree with me?

PH: No, sorry. Quite the opposite, I’m afraid.

DT: Right Pete. Thanks for calling. Dont bother to call me back, I’ll call you. Have a nice day.

Hangs up.


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